I guess I am in the state of "not-there-yet, just ignore it!"
I am scheduled in the 2nd week of June for my CT (CAT) Scan.....That is a long time to wait...It is also a long time for my brain to find reason for the concerns, or lack-thereof....
Doctor's nurse tells me" We have false readings often".....Brain tells me...."You have Cancer!"
God, I hope "Brain" is wrong!
If not, then we will live with it...Duchess and I....for I know she will be the rock of my life if I face a really bad thing.
Waiting!
Duke
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Things!
Things.....
Life, once lived as if there were no rules......NOPE!
I have never felt that. I have had a really intense relationship with the potential/possibility for death most of my adult life.
I knew at a fairly young age (perhaps my 20s?) that the males of my family have a strange habit of dying at a quite young age.......
Cases in point: Uncle Ona (Father's brother) died in his early 40s of a heart attack in bed....My three Uncles from my Mother's side died at fairly young ages.....46 to 62......My Grandfather on my Dad's side died of a heart attack as did my Grandmother, his wife....one lived to 52, one til 62....
My Dad had his first heart attack at 47......lived for 11 more years with three more heart attacks til he died at 58. My Mom had REALLY bad plaque in her arteries.....had three carotid surgeries (one a re-do) and died after a last-ditch attempt at giving her three-five more years.....
My Sister (three years younger) died at 47 of a massive heart attack.
My Brother (9 plus years younger) has had heart attack...and bypass surgery....
My Sister 1 year younger has had carotid surgery, two bypass surgeries, and is ready for another carotid surgery which she refuses.....
I am the eldest!
My family is NOT healthy....I have been to this point......I remember, however, really seriously wondering if I'd make it to the year 2000...... That seems stupid now, but in 1990 it was a goal......I'd be 57 (1 year younger than my Father at his death), and hoped for life to then.
Now at 64, this is long gone, but the lung lump (?) is a question....
Makes one wonder......Why am I fairly immune to the things most of my family have?
Who knows? I have speculated.....different genes (different Father????)....That is a bad speculation, but related to the fact my own Aunt (Mother's Sister) had a kid at a young age and gave him to Older Brother as HIS kid.....
This is not a proper speculation as my Mom and Dad married 12 months (minus 11 days) before my birth! They married January 12th....1942..... I was born January 1st, 1943.
All of it matters not, of course, as the only thing that does matter is WHERE am I?....How long will I live.....
How long do my Duchess and I have together??? How long will we get to watch our Grandkids grow, develop, marry, etc.?
That is what matters......
We'll begin the process of living TODAY...and continue thru the weekend as we leave Tampa tomorrow in our motorhome for Cortez (Bradenton, FL) for the holiday weekend!
Duke
Life, once lived as if there were no rules......NOPE!
I have never felt that. I have had a really intense relationship with the potential/possibility for death most of my adult life.
I knew at a fairly young age (perhaps my 20s?) that the males of my family have a strange habit of dying at a quite young age.......
Cases in point: Uncle Ona (Father's brother) died in his early 40s of a heart attack in bed....My three Uncles from my Mother's side died at fairly young ages.....46 to 62......My Grandfather on my Dad's side died of a heart attack as did my Grandmother, his wife....one lived to 52, one til 62....
My Dad had his first heart attack at 47......lived for 11 more years with three more heart attacks til he died at 58. My Mom had REALLY bad plaque in her arteries.....had three carotid surgeries (one a re-do) and died after a last-ditch attempt at giving her three-five more years.....
My Sister (three years younger) died at 47 of a massive heart attack.
My Brother (9 plus years younger) has had heart attack...and bypass surgery....
My Sister 1 year younger has had carotid surgery, two bypass surgeries, and is ready for another carotid surgery which she refuses.....
I am the eldest!
My family is NOT healthy....I have been to this point......I remember, however, really seriously wondering if I'd make it to the year 2000...... That seems stupid now, but in 1990 it was a goal......I'd be 57 (1 year younger than my Father at his death), and hoped for life to then.
Now at 64, this is long gone, but the lung lump (?) is a question....
Makes one wonder......Why am I fairly immune to the things most of my family have?
Who knows? I have speculated.....different genes (different Father????)....That is a bad speculation, but related to the fact my own Aunt (Mother's Sister) had a kid at a young age and gave him to Older Brother as HIS kid.....
This is not a proper speculation as my Mom and Dad married 12 months (minus 11 days) before my birth! They married January 12th....1942..... I was born January 1st, 1943.
All of it matters not, of course, as the only thing that does matter is WHERE am I?....How long will I live.....
How long do my Duchess and I have together??? How long will we get to watch our Grandkids grow, develop, marry, etc.?
That is what matters......
We'll begin the process of living TODAY...and continue thru the weekend as we leave Tampa tomorrow in our motorhome for Cortez (Bradenton, FL) for the holiday weekend!
Duke
The Waiting Begins!
I have an appointment for my CT Scan.....
June 12th......gotta wait til then.
Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock!
Meanwhile Duchess is in touch with docs who do the kind of chest/lung work I might need.....(She is a retired surgical nurse with lots of contacts!) Bless my Lady for her support and pushing.
Duke
June 12th......gotta wait til then.
Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock!
Meanwhile Duchess is in touch with docs who do the kind of chest/lung work I might need.....(She is a retired surgical nurse with lots of contacts!) Bless my Lady for her support and pushing.
Duke
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Better During The Day - Some Good News(?)
Daylight dimmed some of the demons of my 1st night after the phone call from my doctor. A visit to the doctor's office to obtain a prescription for the needed CT-Scan also brought reassurance from two sources......
The actual X-Ray analysis stated a "possible" nodule in a lung. It asked the CT-Scan to determine the reality of such. The nurse told me this was often brought forward, and usually a false-alarm.
Hopeful!
I honestly feel better about this and have focused on two things......
1st - Don't go borrowing trouble until you know there is trouble!
2nd - Deal with life on my brother's rules (he had lymph-node cancer at mid-twenties and is now 55 and doing very well still in complete remission) His rules: Don't sweat the small stuff......and IT IS ALL small stuff!
Moving on.
Tomorrow I make the CT appointment....
Duke
The actual X-Ray analysis stated a "possible" nodule in a lung. It asked the CT-Scan to determine the reality of such. The nurse told me this was often brought forward, and usually a false-alarm.
Hopeful!
I honestly feel better about this and have focused on two things......
1st - Don't go borrowing trouble until you know there is trouble!
2nd - Deal with life on my brother's rules (he had lymph-node cancer at mid-twenties and is now 55 and doing very well still in complete remission) His rules: Don't sweat the small stuff......and IT IS ALL small stuff!
Moving on.
Tomorrow I make the CT appointment....
Duke
1 Night Down.....WOW!
I did not sleep at all well. A diverse, sometimes completely nonsensical parade of thoughts kept creeping in.
It would seem I am in that shock period of knowing something really bad could be wrong, and still not having the time nor knowledge to get my arms around it.
I saw the clock from our 11pm bedtime until at least 3am. Then I was really groggy when we awoke this morning. Had to get up to take Duchess to her water class. She cannot yet drive after her recent shoulder surgery.
My night thoughts:
Glad we completed those wills.
Is there going to be surgery?
Do I face radiation/chemo?
Grandpa, Mother's side, died of lung cancer. (course he was a three pack Camel man)
Should we do a quick reschedule to get in our Rhine Cruise before I get into something that will restrict our movement/travel?
Duchess has already moved to support and encourage. I knew she would. We are pretty tight as a couple.
Lots more thoughts rumbling around, but now off to the docs to pick up a prescription so i can go have my "Cat Scat" (CT Scan).
We're booked at a nearby campground for the weekend in our motorhome. We'll be doing that before any CT Scan.
More later.
Duke
It would seem I am in that shock period of knowing something really bad could be wrong, and still not having the time nor knowledge to get my arms around it.
I saw the clock from our 11pm bedtime until at least 3am. Then I was really groggy when we awoke this morning. Had to get up to take Duchess to her water class. She cannot yet drive after her recent shoulder surgery.
My night thoughts:
Glad we completed those wills.
Is there going to be surgery?
Do I face radiation/chemo?
Grandpa, Mother's side, died of lung cancer. (course he was a three pack Camel man)
Should we do a quick reschedule to get in our Rhine Cruise before I get into something that will restrict our movement/travel?
Duchess has already moved to support and encourage. I knew she would. We are pretty tight as a couple.
Lots more thoughts rumbling around, but now off to the docs to pick up a prescription so i can go have my "Cat Scat" (CT Scan).
We're booked at a nearby campground for the weekend in our motorhome. We'll be doing that before any CT Scan.
More later.
Duke
Monday, May 21, 2007
It Begins.....
I today had a really, really scary phone call. I thought about the ramifications of what I am about to experience and have decided to blog it as it goes.....perhaps in a separate blog (as you can see...that is what I did!).....we'll see.
I have been coughing for some time. I blame it on my "terminal" post-nasal drip. A visit to the doctor last week brought elimination of one of my blood pressure drugs which, in some people, causes coughing.
In addition the doc sent me for an X-Ray of my chest. That was last Friday.
This morning the scary call from the doc's office. "Mr. DeLand, your X-Ray indicates a nodule on your lung."
Now they want a "CAT Scan" (CT Scan).....that delivers pictures slice-by-slice of my lungs for the docs to review. THEN we know if, indeed, we have a problem.
Scary!
Lots of things come drifting through my mind......My Maternal Grandfather died of lung cancer. Of course he was a confirmed 3 pack-per-day Camel smoker. I have never smoked cigarettes, and only on occasion smoked pipe or cigar.....nothing for probably 6-8 years..... When I did the pipe/cigar thing I did not inhale, and I usually smoked 1-2 times per month. Not the likely candidate for smoking-related problems!
How much does heredity play in this scenario?
Now to the CAT Scan and determination if I am waving a flag of problem before necessary.
Stay tuned kiddies!
Duke
(This taken from my base blog......I am keeping this information from there for now as I have not even told my kids.....)
I have been coughing for some time. I blame it on my "terminal" post-nasal drip. A visit to the doctor last week brought elimination of one of my blood pressure drugs which, in some people, causes coughing.
In addition the doc sent me for an X-Ray of my chest. That was last Friday.
This morning the scary call from the doc's office. "Mr. DeLand, your X-Ray indicates a nodule on your lung."
Now they want a "CAT Scan" (CT Scan).....that delivers pictures slice-by-slice of my lungs for the docs to review. THEN we know if, indeed, we have a problem.
Scary!
Lots of things come drifting through my mind......My Maternal Grandfather died of lung cancer. Of course he was a confirmed 3 pack-per-day Camel smoker. I have never smoked cigarettes, and only on occasion smoked pipe or cigar.....nothing for probably 6-8 years..... When I did the pipe/cigar thing I did not inhale, and I usually smoked 1-2 times per month. Not the likely candidate for smoking-related problems!
How much does heredity play in this scenario?
Now to the CAT Scan and determination if I am waving a flag of problem before necessary.
Stay tuned kiddies!
Duke
(This taken from my base blog......I am keeping this information from there for now as I have not even told my kids.....)
Thus It begins.....
I am setting up this blog as a means of tracking, and following the results of a recently-found lump on my lung.
I shall post as I go, and be honest (to the best of my ability).....
Duke
I shall post as I go, and be honest (to the best of my ability).....
Duke
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